Scary Stud of the Year 2009 Billy Garberina graciously accepts his crown and graces us with an update on his new films, his low-paying career path, and his utter elation at being the sexiest man in horror of the past year. Votes don't lie, folks!
Read about how awesome Billy is. I dare you.
How does it feel to be a Scary Stud of the YEAR?
It makes me feel 12 times more sexy than being Sexy Stud of the Month!...
On the other hand, it only makes me feel 1/10th as Sexy as being Sexy Stud of The Decade. So, does that make me 12x the stud I was, or merely 1/10th the Stud I could be?
I was watching Pumping Iron for the first time ever during the final vote rallies and gleaned some deep insight from a 28 year old Arnold Gubernator about being a champion. Like Arnold at 28, I feel like I'm coming. I feel like I am coming day and night. It is an unbelievable feeling. You can not possibly imagine how it feels to be me. It feels like being the Buddha if I didn't already feel like Jesus or a dictator of some kind. Of course, I borrow (steal) directly from Arnold's thoughts in that movie as only the greatest artists do and so now they are my words. In modeling Arnold, I am considering ending my lifelong teetotalling to smoke a phat doob and wear a shirt that sez "Arnold...er...I mean "BILLY Is Numero Uno"!
Billy in two stills from The Righteous & The Wicked
If you hadn't won, would you have killed yourself?
We all die a little death every day. The sexy stud I was yesterday is dead, replaced by the slightly sexier stud I am today. If anything, I am wondering if I should kill myself BECAUSE I won. I mean really? I beat out the T-1000, Parker Lewis and Eli Roth! My career can only go down from here. On the other hand if I had lost, it would have meant that my social network was too small and too technically enfeebled to push me past the finish line, so it probably would have been a good time to cash in my chips.
I once took a severely industrial acne medication which was purported to cause suicidal ideation. It also had severe impacts on my body systems that needed to be monitored on a monthly basis. One month during the course of my visit, I asked my dermatologist how to distinguish between my normal suicidal ideation and the Acutane induced suicidal ideation. My dermatologist laughed and then became quite grave and asked "but seriously, my wife is a therapist and I need to ask; are you thinking of killing yourself?" I decided that day that with God as my witness I would never go hungry again! It was a lovely sunset.
Billy shooting I Heart U (that's Raine Browne holding the camera)
If one of the other studs kills himself because he lost, will you care?
Bah! There is no shame in defeat as long as the spirit remains unconquered! Listen, I'm currently attending NYU's Silver School of Social Work pursuing a master's degree...you don't attain a 4.0 in a social work curriculum by not caring if someone kills themselves. You get a 4.0 because independent film making and acting is so very lucrative and an exceedingly financially responsible thing to choose to do with your life. You also get it by "caring" if someone kills themselves.
My therapist once asked me how I was feeling and I told her I heard a joke once. I proceeded to repeat Rorschach's Pagliacci joke from Watchmen to detail my feelings of isolation and desperate disconnectedness. As a therapist, she found the joke exceedingly hilarious and laughed out loud. That's a pretty good time to cash in one's chips, methinks.
What new films have you made/worked on since March 2009?
Since March of 2009 I have DP'd/2nd unit directed/starred in a feature length western called The Righteous & The Wicked. About 1/3 of it is cut and it promises to be fantastic. Right after that I directed/starred in I Heart U, a pet project conjured up and executed side by side with the illustrious Raine Brown as my co-star. A teensy bit of that is cut and it looks awesome! In August, I shot two Chris Seaver pictures back to back. Teenape Versus the Mutant Nazi Apocalypse and Taintlight. I haven't seen Taintlight, but I am told it is the funniest thing I have ever done. Taintlight is out already. I also recently got to see a cut of Stiffed, a movie I directed in October 2008. It's slow coming, but is really sweet. I'm planning on shooting several features over summer break this year in New Mexico. More on that soon!
Billy as 'Dad' in the Chris Seaver Twilight parody Tainlight
Any tips for men who want to be a Scary Stud?
I've got the best tip I can imagine any man needing. Also I have sound advice. If you want to be a Scary Stud, you have to have to HAVE TO make sure that your nerd spammer friends can out-spam the other guy's nerd spammer friends. My friends are 1337 as frak. They fight for the users. Also, they apparently had precious little else to do than conjure up votes for me in the 11th hour. To this end, I recommend being a sort of messianic cult like figure to the people in your lives, so that they will commit with full heart and energy to whatever wacky schemes you have cooked up. Also, as a champion you must be able to reference Tron, Watchmen, Starcraft, world religions, Gone With The Wind, beefcake softcore, femme folk songs and regular suicidal ideation in your final interviews. As a bonus, go back through the interview and see if you can find each! It's easy and it's fun to do!
Lastly, I want to thank the academy. You love me! You really love me! I also want to extend a nod to years of attending and MC'ing the Rocky Horror Picture Show for helping me not be ashamed of my encroaching rotundity.
When do I get my tiara?
